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1. Get to the core of the problem
Its helpful to realize that anger management problems are often just symptoms. Your first step should be to pay attention to what is happening in your head and heart. It is likely that you struggle with some other emotional problems. Later, you vent the tension with unnecessary outbursts. It could be anything, starting from to difficulty in expressing positive feelings. Maybe criticism makes you feel bad and you want to defend yourself? What if you were never taught how to show your joy or appreciation? Think if your anger doesnt have a second layer.
2. Focus on facts and solutions, not emotions
Although in a moment of heat it is hard to think rationally, you should try to do it. The more you focus on the negative emotions within you, the more they grow and overwhelm you. Remember: there is always a reason for you to feel the way you feel. Take a deep breath and spend a moment to analyze what exactly angers you and why. The key to the anger management is self-awareness. When you can name the problem, you can come up with a satisfactory solution. And then present it to the other person.
3.Try to laugh
It is hard to be in a good mood when you feel youre going to explode any moment. But didnt you hear so many times that laughter is healthy? At some point in your life, you must have heard about the "happiness hormone. Think about how great you feel after watching a good comedy. It doesnt sound like a bad idea anymore to try and laugh to diffuse the anger, does it? When you feel the level of irritation rising, imagine something funny. You may try and picture what or who annoys you in a satirical way. Nobody better than you know what makes you laugh.
4. Avoid what angers you
You cant avoid every situation or a person that gets on your nerves. Some of them, however, dont have to ruin your day. Try to avoid looking at the pile of dirty dishes that someone else promised to clean up. Change your way to work if you constantly get stuck in a traffic jam. Get a second TV if what your spouse wants to watch will never be your cup of tea.
5. Work on how you communicate
There is never enough of stressing that good communication is the key to healthy relations. The majority of conflicts come from misunderstandings or insufficient information. Before you blow up, try to make sure you understood the point of what you heard. Know that the other person can omit a great part of what they wanted to say. Dont be afraid of asking more questions to get to the heart of the matter. It may turn out that what you thought for an attack, was in fact just a request.
6. Switch from you to I
A great part of the communication process is about how we word our thoughts. Psychologists for a reason stress the importance of saying I instead of you. Things like You never take out the trash!, You always forget about important things! or You cant be relied on! are almost always perceived as an attack. Dont talk about the other person when voicing your concerns. Say instead: I am tired of taking out the trash all the time., I cant think for both of us., I wont manage everything alone. It sounds much better and helps you avoid the bad atmosphere.
7. Allow yourself to be alone.
A moment for yourself can save the day. Dont be afraid to excuse yourself and leave for a moment to take a few deep breaths or drink a cup of tea alone. Even people without anger management issues do that! It is vital that you can think about your emotions and problems in peace. A moment of relaxation can cause the solution to appear on its own!
